Today is April 8, 2020, almost nine months since I was given the information that cancer had come to visit me. Time and the memories of going through that experience have blurred and I often have the fleeting thought, did that happen to me? Did I have the choice, at the beginning of that piece of my life, of being completely engulfed and immersed and surrounded by fear that I might die? Did I want to completely shut down all my emotions and want to scream and vent all my anger that I didn't want that to happen to me, that experience such as society sees cancer, as a sign of death coming, and I needed to get my affairs in order?
What did I choose? What did I experience as emotions? Did I give up on life and get my personal affairs in order? I chose to let some of the emotions that were attempting to take over my world and my mind, such as helplessness, some fear, and most importantly, would I be missed if I left this earth. I realized that the emotions I was feeling was my soaking up society's points of view of cancer, living, and death. I needed to make a choice that society was not going to run my life, I was going to choose what worked for me.
I got my personal affairs in order, and out of that was the most wonderful gift I could have been given, I became emotionally closer and bonded on a very deep and peaceful way with family members and friends who supported me through my experience with the cancer visit. I have been grateful hearing the words and reading the messages that family and friends consider me an important part of their lives and that I do matter to them.
I also became aware and noted that some friends and family were not able to, or were uncomfortable with talking with me about living and dying and my choices therein. That awareness helped me to remember not to judge how people reach out to me or that they don't, and to not judge those who couldn't say their deepest thoughts and fears and emotions of living and dying. And for that I am grateful that I took a chance, made a choice to speak out, talk about what was happening at that time of my life. This has given me a deep well to explore the emotion of love, what I felt about love, what I knew about love, and again, not to judge myself or others if their definition and way of living and loving did not match my way of life.
Each day, even if I don't say it out loud, I think it in my mind, I am happy to be alive, I have so many things to be grateful for, I have family and friends who love me and cherish me, I do not live in a world of pain and fear, and can, when I choose to, go to sleep at night in a peaceful way, and each day that comes is another gift to explore. I can be happy, or I can be cranky, it is all a choices. I choose happy.
Life is beautiful. Explore each day as a gift, remember that you are loved by me, if by no one else, and that you being here on Earth is important and that you matter. Take a step each day towards those things or people in life that you are happy being with, wait no longer for someone to make you happy, that is your job, no one else is here to do that for you. Being happy and laughing can shift and transform and make many things and situations in your world better and or easier to work through, when you choose to be just that, happy and laughing and full of life..
Be well, be happy, and live your life for you first, that is best way I know to connect with your Soul, with Source, Creator or God. Keep your life simple and watch for miracles.
What can I do for you today? Could your reading this blog be the invitation to a different way of thinking, a different way of living your life, a deeper and more peaceful way of being happy?
Deep and Wide Love is sent to you, when you choose to accept it, bless it, send it on to another person who needs love in their life.